Guilty of a Happy Marriage

I feel bad from time to time about talking about how happy Mike and I are....and then, I stop.  Because I *am* happy and I don't think I should feel guilty about that.  I am blessed and I know it.  I'm appreciative and I thank the Lord for it every day.  Is it perfect?  No.  Do we argue? Yes.  Does it last for days?  NO!

I don't know how to explain it but we are both so very appreciative of one another that we just simply don't let time pass without letting each other KNOW that.  We are very careful to not sweat the small stuff.  We are open, honest, and truly try to make each other happy every single day.

And if you have a similar relationship - good for you!  And if you don't, I sincerely hope one day you do.

Either way, I won't apologize about my happiness.  Ever again.

Slow Down

Slow Down. 

So, I’ve never been really good at SEEING signs or UNDERSTANDING an answer from God.  Sure, I’d ask.  I’d pray.  I’d hope that I was doing the right thing and I’d eventually seem to get it right most of the time.  But, I wasn’t ever really sure.  Mostly, I’d lack the peace of feeling that my path was the right one.  I have also always tried to look at the good in every situation.  I’ve tried to pick things apart to feel like I could see why God would allow things to happen.  Even in a big picture kind of way, I’d feel like I had a vague understanding of a reason behind why a loving God would let bad things happen to good people.  It’s one thing to believe in God’s plan and another thing to trust it when it means that something bad has to happen to you or a loved one. 

I truly believe that I have been CHANGED lately.  I’m not sure if I am less stubborn or more faithful.  If I have more clarity or less ignorance.  One thing I know for sure….I asked for something.  God provided it.  Ever since I heard the news that I had mono, I have been a little down in the dumps.  I have had LOTS of rest and sleep and naps and laying around feeling terrible.  I have thought of good reasons as to why this happened now and not a month before or after.  I have also asked God why.  I have been patient to hear his answer.  I have been faithful in my prayer about it as well.  I believe I have my answer.  I almost feel like I’m breaking some confidence between He and I, because He spoke to me so privately, so personally.  But I have to share it.  I was talking about my issues with mono to a loved one and I said…”I don’t know if this was to tell me to slow down, but if so, I’ve done just that.”  At a later time, I wondered if that was it.  Could that have been the purpose of this hardship I’m enduring?  There are many times that I feel like I am running so fast but getting nowhere.  I feel like I’m trying to be the best mom, wife, daughter, aunt, employee, manager, friend – PERSON…that I fail at all of those things a little bit more over time because so many times one takes away from another.  Did I need to slow down?  Doesn’t that contradict getting more done, faster, in a shorter time, in order to please EVERYONE?   I should digress a bit and say that I also just started a new Beth Moore Bible study that focuses on living life to the fullest.  Hmm.  Related?  Maybe.  Okay, back to now.  So…I am questioning this in my mind, in my prayers.  And then, it happens.  I am working from home on Monday for a bit as to not totally lose touch.  I turn on my iTunes music to help me work (it helps me so much).  And a song that I don’t even remember downloading comes to life.  I actually look at the title because when it first comes on it says, “Alright, let’s rock it” and it’s unfamiliar.  The song title is “Slow Down”.  I decide to stop the email that I’m typing and do just that…slow down.  So I listen to Third Day belt out this tune.  The lyrics say:

 “Tell me to slow down, 

if You think that the road that I’m on is going nowhere, 

Tell me to slow down, 

if You know that I’m going too fast for my own good.”  

Tears stream down my face as I figure this out.  This is my answer.  It even says, 

“And, Oh, I don’t want to let go, 

of all the things that I know, 

are keeping me, 

away from my life.”  

Have I been so busy – too busy – to really fix things that are broken?  My faith?  My relationship with my Lord?  I have been reading all of my Beth Moore study even though I’ve not been able to attend and it’s working on my heart.  It is making me want to change and live a fuller life.  Is this one of the ways that I need to do it? To slow down?  Slow down in order to live a life more abundant?  I've been forced to do it.  I haven't had a bit of a choice in the matter.  My Doctor tells me to "rest, rest, and when you feel a bit better, go back to bed!"  But, how am I supposed to take care of my family?  Let them take care of YOU.  How am I supposed to be there for my employees?  Let them take the reins.    How am I supposed to get everything done?  You won't, and life will go on.  I can't even express in words how liberating this is for me.  I don't HAVE TO be everything or do it all or get it all done TODAY.  Because you know what?  There is a tomorrow.  And it will all be there then, unless someone else does it.  And if they do?  I'll thank them.  And if there's no tomorrow here on Earth.  I'll thank Him.  :-)

Small Town

I remember when I was little, when I would see Sanford on the news I would seriously feel like we were SO awesome!! Like we had MADE IT!!! it could have been that they were simply rattling off temperatures, it was just on a map or a story was actually from here. But, it didn't matter. If my little town got any air time...I was excited!!!

Now, I wish I didn't hear it so much on the news. Crime, murder, tornadoes, immigration woes...these are not the things you want attached to your town!!  Makes me sad.  Which, as you'll remember....will probably make me CRY!!  :-)

I am who I am (From May 10, 2008)

So I found this journal nugget in my email.  I wrote it on Saturday, May 10, 2008.  Very interesting!!

The truth about the truth I am what am I.  And I'm finding that fact more and more hard to swallow at times.  If you asked me my strengths, certainly I'd mention the fact that I try to make everyone happy.....however, I'm finding, more and more, that it's a weakness too.  Who ever thought that trying to be sweet and kind and likeable would be a bad thing?  However, I believe it's led to many dismal relationships and several dysfunctional friendships.  I am that friend who tells you want you want to hear.  I listen without prejudice...I cry with my friends, I laugh with them, and I always let them know that I am there for them.  That sounds good, right?  Ha.  I've learned that maybe when I said, "hmm I don't know", I should have said, "ARE YOU CRAZY?"  That sometimes, when I said, "well, I understand that" I should have responded with a slight, "I can't believe you said that."  And overwhelmingly, when asked the question, "did I do the right thing?"  I should have been brutally honest.  I am just not that person.  I cannot be mean or cynical or "tell it like it is"....there are so many people that do that so well, but I am just not built that way.  I'm the nice girl.  The one who listens and smiles and takes you to lunch because you're having a bad day.  I take pride in the fact that I am that person, but I'm starting to feel like I've done a disservice to my friends and family.  There have been some major things that my friends have done that I totally did NOT agree with.  But what did I say?  Nothing.  I am obviously just so fearful that I'll make someone mad, I just let it go.  And what am I proving by that?  When someone does something that is SO SO SO against every piece of my being, and I say nothing, am I not appearing to agree with it??  That's what concerns me.  I'm really just trying to feel good in my own skin.  I absolutely have a wonderful life, a great family and so much to be thankful for.  So, to be quite honest, I am trying to be sure that I am being the best person that I can be.  The Lord has blessed ME with so much......I feel that the least I can do is be sure that I'm living my life to the fullest.  It's caused me to pray a lot, read His word more, and to evaluate all of my friendships.  I have really been thinking about this so much.  And I have talked to a few people about it.  My boss (also a great friend) has convinced me that I'm doing the best I can, that I am not the one to judge (which yes I agree with) and that I don't need to change.  But, my hubby sees the actual situations that I've dealt with and says, "why didn't you say this" or "why didn't you tell her what you think" and feels like I need to speak my mind, even when it runs the risk of hurting someone, just to be honest.  I really just don't know if it's worth it.  I hate hurting anyone's feelings....but then again, what if they just need a gut check and they would question a bad decision if I did open my mouth?  Hmm.

My Tender Heart

I've always been "tender-hearted"...I've always cried at sappy movies.  I've always teared up when there's a sad commercial.  (Folgers, Hallmark....whew!)  When I am in full-on worship, that's likely characterized by tears streaming down my face.  When Mike talks about our relationship, his love for our children or anything sensitive at all - I do the ugly cry more often than not.  It's funny that I just KNOW it now.  I have no idea what to do about it...if anything...but I know that it's just a part of me.  I've thought about meds because I am sure they would work, but again, I also feel that it's a part of me.  Sometimes I do get embarrassed by it, sometimes I am sure my family does too, but mostly - I accept it and so do they.  Thank the good Lord they do - otherwise, I might...CRY....

What soap is for the body, tears are for the soul.  ~Jewish Proverb

My Body

So here is the direction for this one:  Your opinion about your body and how comfortable you are with it 

Hmm.  This is ironic as I'm battling diabetes (or, rather, trying to keep it away - and winning currently!  Yeah!)  and losing weight in the process.  I'm feeling better about my body...my health...life.

I am certainly not a size 4.  Though, I have been....  Back then I was young, silly and totally didn't think I was pretty enough, smart enough...or anything enough.  Mind you, my parents were awesome, I had good friends and I had somewhat serious relationships with boys.  I was not lacking people to TELL me I was enough, but as many young women, I just had a self-image deficiency.  I find it very interesting that in my old(er) age, as I've put on pounds and a few wrinkles and a stray gray hair or so....I feel more comfortable with ME than I ever have.  I am now sure that body image has less to do with body than ever before in my life.  I have a great life, I'm a Christian (who knows that I matter, because my Savior died for ME!), awesome kids, a husband that I never dreamed existed beyond fairy tales, parents who have always supported me and loved me (even when I was so very ungrateful for the things they did), a sister that is amazingly strong, an independent niece, a new adorable baby niece, amazing inlaws...friends that are fabulous and a rewarding job that allows me to try to improve experiences of my employees as well as our customers.  I am living the LIFE!  So why wouldn't I hold my head high and not worry about what everyone is thinking of my round face and freckled skin?  That is SUCH a small thing in the scope of the big picture.  I know that I have good intentions.  I try really hard.  I try to be a thoughtful person...say thank you...open doors for people...give back when I can...pray for anyone and everyone who needs it (and even those who don't know they do...okay, ESPECIALLY those).  So, I am WORTH IT.  I am worthy of people's respect and the admiration of my husband.  I am loved and I am so very, very grateful.  In return, I am PROUD of my life and my family and my freckles.  I am proud that I can walk in a room and know that I might not be the most skinny or flawless - but KNOW that I AM worth feeling like I am beautiful.  Because beauty can be a reflection of what you feel inside.  And what I FEEL - is jawdroppingly blessed...and ENOUGH.

Five ways to win my heart {Blog Challenge}

It's funny that this would be the first blog subject...as it's been a part of a recent conversation between myself and a coworker.  This is easy.

1. Be nice to me.  Just nice.  Not overly kind or generous, just nice.  I really sincerely appreciate a smile in the morning or a "bless you" when I sneeze.  
2. Compliment me.  Tell me I'm doing a good job or that my hair looks nice.  I am a sucker for it.  I have always thrived on this...but just recently really realized it.  I always try to do my best..but if I know you are going to TELL ME.....I'll go the extra mile.
3. Cook me something I love.  My Mama has this down pat.  She has my heart.  I can probably attribute my borderline diabetes and weight issues to this same line as well.  Hmm. ;-)
4. Be nice to my kids.  A waitress goes very far in my book (meaning: tip) if you speak to my kids. They are human beings and I appreciate when someone goes out of their way to make a big deal of my children.  Because, honestly, they ARE a big deal. 
5. Be the kind of person to do the right thing.  That's how Mike Jones did it.  He's just "that guy".  He's the one that friends know they can count on, his Mama knows he loves her and his baby girl just can't get enough of.  He just exudes this trustworthy personality...because you know he's just going to always be the kind of guy to make a good choice.  

Reading back over that.................wow, I am so easy..............